ALWAYS Watch Your Six!

I don't even wanna look for a flickr photo for this... it's fresh, and the blood is pounding in my head.

I'm coming back from a late dinner, and I live on a stretch of 5-lane (2 each, center turn) that's a 45MPH limit. A block past my house is a traffic signal, so traffic tends to speed and slow right in front of the house in a constant wave; lots of traffic, almost all the time.

So, I'm in the right lane, ready to turn right into my driveway. I have plenty of time between me and the car following to do this without impeding traffic in any way. Suddenly, the asshole in the left  lane beside me decides that lane's not moving fast enough (many left turns both before and at the aforementioned light), and guns it to get inches off my rear tire JUST as I'm about to turn.

I punched the throttle wide open, straight ahead, and started quickly pulsing my brakes to let the asshole know I was at least planning on slowing down. I got a block up the street, and pulled into the first safe spot to my right that I could find, which was a driveway apron to a condemned building. "Yes, motherfucker, you almost killed me!" I screamed as they whizzed by, and I sat waiting for my heart to go back down in my chest, and for traffic to subside so I could do a u-turn back to the house.

PLEASE, keep an eye on your mirrors EVERY TIME you have to slow down, no matter the reason. It could be a life or death decision.

NObody Expects!

... the Spanish Inquisition to get a hornet caught between their face and the helmet.

Keep yer visors down, folx.

When Animals Attack!

Yes, I was very nearly mauled by a rabid, wild turkey. A tom. As I was riding home, tonight.

He was on the sidewalk on Harding Place, in front of Frugal McDoogal's (dunno why -- this is a mile from the airport). He saw me moving slowly in heavy traffic on the scoot, and just copped a major attitude. Damn, I wish someone would have videoed it. He stepped right off the sidewalk and made a beeline for me. Traffic moved just fast enough to keep me out of weapons range, but I started to worry that I might slam into the back of that white Dodge Caliber in front of me while watching this fowl beast running after me, right up the middle of the right, westbound lane of Harding Place @ I-24. Again, LMFAO, all the while.

No, silly -- I know birds can't carry rabies... do you think I'm a total dumbass? Still, this shit happened, and I LMFAO. One for the books, I tell ya.

UPDATE: Believe it.



Which leads me to want to play a joke on my scootnashville pals, just to see which of them reads this here blog. Next time you greet me, you better say, "gobble, gobble!"

Justice Served?

One can hope.

I was riding home Monday night, and as I approached Hamilton Church Rd., I could see that a van was waiting to come across my lane of Murfreesboro Rd. to make a left at the intersection (green rectangle). I quickly gave my horn a quick double toot when I saw the van edging forward, and by the time I got to the point where the photo above would look if the camera were on my helmet, the fool takes a shot at it. I was probably doing about 50 in a 45MPH zone coming down the hill as I was, so brakes and horn both went into "busy time." I avoided colliding with the van by a safe margin, and started up the hill.

As I got past the Dairy Queen up there on the left, I saw blue lights in my peripheral vision. Yep, that cop headed down the hill, did a li'l "whoop! whoop!" of their siren to warn traffic they were making a left down Hamilton Church, and a few seconds later, as I was waiting at the traffic light at the top of the hill, I heard the "whoop! whoop!" in the distance, again.

I think that made my day. Thanks, Metro Nashville PD.

Mission: Mend Michelin

So... I hopped on Wanda early this morning, to meet up with a customer who was already annoyed with the fact that he had to pay for these annoying backflow inspections, and dammit, he doesn't believe anyone other than the city should pay for these ('cause of course, municipal workers don't have to eat, pay bills... city trucks run on unicorn farts, etc), and oh my the water rates are so high!

Yeah, right. All my fault, of course!  Anyway, I had agreed earlier in the week to meet Cantankerous Taxpayer early today, so I was on Wanda by 06:30... and off we go.

I was making excellent time, and I got to Murfreesboro Road before 7 a.m. Just before I went under the runway at BNA, I heard this strange sound -- it was as if I were in a car that had gone over a loose manhole cover.* Having entered and exited the tunnel under the runway, I started up the hill to Dell's campus, and could feel a bit of squirreliness in the handling of the bike. I slowed down, and got into the right-hand lane to get onto Donelson. No emergency flashers... WTF, Honda?

I pulled over at the entrance to Dell building AO-1. Yes, my rear tire was quite flat, but not completely. I walked Wanda up the drive and into the massive parking lot, where I parked her near the edges where I figure no sane Dell employee will want to park. I called (Country) Jeff. He dispatched Ivy to come get me.

I looked up local numbers for Dell, trying to call them to ask them kindly to not tow my scooter. I found two numbers, neither of which had voicemail, or anyone answering them the entire day. Fingers crossed. Maybe they'd be so busy making phat stacks, they wouldn't notice.

I stopped and got Slime, a deluxe tire plug kit and a pair of pliers during my rounds, and made a plan. The 96X bus runs right up Murfreesboro Rd., and there's a nice, fancy new bus stop less than a block from where I left Wanda (if only Dell would leave her unmolested). With any luck, and $25 (payday!), I'd ride that white bitch home.

I finished up the work day, pulled into the plant early, so as to catch the 16:19 96X bus. (Country) Jeff then hauled me to the bus stop in plenty of time, and the damned bus had left, already. Second time this month!  Of course I found this out after Jeff had left. Oh, and I forgot my tire goodies and my Nexus tablet at the plant in the rush to catch the bus. Fortunately, the bus stop in La Vergne is very nearby an Auto Zone & a McDonald's, so I re-purchase said goodies, and sit for 90 minutes @ McD's with a cup of coffee to await the next bus in warm comfort.

You can see the Auto Zone from here! Oh, and all next week, free small coffee @ McD's during breakfast hours. No purchase necessary.

Finally, the 17:58 bus arrives. At 18:15.

MTA/RTA needs to get this 96X schedule straightened the fuck OUT, right now, y'all.

On my way once more!  Whoo-hoo!

I got off the bus at Donelson, picked up my helmet, Auto Zone bag and extra layers of clothing, and trudged across the street, and a short walk later, into the Dell lot. It's 26°F and windy, but I see Wanda -- huzzah!  I unpack the Slime, unlatch the seat, test the compressor (working!) and get to work.

I somehow let the valve stem core get away from me unnoticed, but I reacquired it with the help of my trusty flashlight pen, a freebie from a vendor. At first, the Slime didn't seem to be sealing the puncture, but after some rotation of the tire by hand (tricky, with the tiny compressor attached to the tire's valve by a 4" length of hose, let me tell ya), the pressure started gaining, and within minutes, was up to 30psi. I put on all my gear, and rode Wanda around Dell's monster asphalt farm for a few minutes at low speed. Checked the tire -- yep, all good so far. I pulled onto Murfreesboro, rode at ~40MPH, and pulled into the Shell station about a half-mile away... still looking good, and no squirrely feelings.

I rode about 5MPH slower than usual the entire trip, but I finally made it home about 20:00. Bit of a long day. We'll see how the tire is in the morning.

* The sound?  Oh yeah. I think I figured it out. Judging from the length of and the bend in the nail I pulled out of the Michelin carcass, the sound was caused when I hit a bump in the road, and the nail made contact with the inside of the rim for a brief time. Fun!

Closest Call Yet

Photo used by Creative Commons license, courtesy of Fort Meade.

Riding home from work, yesterday, scant blocks from the house, I had a very close brush -- literally -- with a bad, bad accident.

This week, I had already avoided our (Wanda and me) going down on a wet road, taking a right turn on an oil patch. I was almost to work Tuesday morning when this happened. I instinctively put down my right foot when the rear tire slid left, righting the bike through the turn, but at the cost of hobbling into work, and drawing the concern of my co-workers. Turns out nothing was seriously wrong... a mild bruise, and no pain an hour later.

Thursday night was different. There could have been two serious injuries, had slightly less distance been between Wanda and a teen who was paying a lot of attention to his ball handling skills, and very little attention to the traffic stream into which he had decided to step.

I'm guessing that if he had been 2" closer, my right handlebar would have caught the fabric of his t-shirt. I was riding west, heading home, so the sun was in my eyes. I was unaware of him even being  on the sidewalk until I was within 20 yards of him, and that was just about the time he decided to step right into the street. Directly in my path.

My heart leaped into my throat.

"Brake or swerve" didn't have time to enter my mind at 35MPH. Instinct took over, and decided "swerve" was the ONLY possible course of action, and it turned out to be the correct one. A hard  lean to the left, and a deca-second later all I heard was "Daaaaymn!" and the reflection of my exhaust note far too close for comfort on my right.

I had to concentrate to keep the post-adrenaline surge from allowing my body to purge itself of what remained of my lunch at that point.

I got off the bike a minute later, having parked at home, and was shaking like a leaf. I needed a drink, and then, sleep.